Enneagram Again!

So I retook the Enneagram test on another site and I got the result I was expecting, type seven. How accurate some of the statements are is semi-creepy, but it doesn't freak me out as much as it should since I've always been interested in this kind of thing and have taken many creepily accurate personality tests throughout my life.

Enneagram

"It is not clear from these test results which Enneagram type and wing you are."

I got "most likely a 9" and to take wings into account and "you seem to be a 4w3 or 9w8." It's weird though, because the first paragraph about Type Nine says "They tend to avoid conflict at all costs, whether it be internal or interpersonal" even though for all the questions about conflict I said that I didn't care about conflict. In fact, I see myself as the exact opposite of every aspect of type nine. Does this test some how know me better then I know myself? I think even with an unexpected result I would read the description and thing "Woah, that is me" but I don't at all when reading over type nine.

Values?

Whether you're an artist or not, you will eventually try to figure out what's important to you. You may be forced into thinking about it like we were today in STAC, or you may just come to a realization after doing things your not so proud/proud of. I don't think anyone is born knowing what ideas and values they believe in.

I don't know what my core values are for sure yet, but things on my list so far are:

1. Confidence
2. Not allowing other people to influence you too strongly
3. Thinking things through

What was easier for me was to spot one of my issues. Once Luke said to think back through all your work and see what's reoccurring I figured out the commonality in all of them immediately. I've constantly been testing the boundaries of the relationships between family members. I always try to test the strength of strong families I make up or try to break the weaker. I can pinpoint this back to the birth of my brother. I'm eight years older then him, and the eight years were I was an only child was spent begging for a sibling. I've always been strangely close to my brother. Yes, I admit, there are times where my hormonal teenage girl self snaps at him for a reaction, but more often then that I'm oddly protective of him. Less "big brother" and more motherlike. Not that I don't have a good mother -I do- but I can't help but be another voice of reason for him.

I also had discussion about time today. I can't write about this much because it's something I think about all the time and still don't have a strong point of view on yet. I need to digest.

Thinking About Thinking

I haven't done a lot of improv in my life - my first time ever was last September doing the car with Cassie in STAC - but today was the first time that I really couldn't do it. I had felt tongue tied, even though I had nothing to say. Reflecting back on today I realize what stopped me is the same thing that ruins my writing. Thinking.

I first started thinking because I didn't want to curse or be too obscene. I was trying to filter everything so I wouldn't let something slip tomorrow in STAC Live. Then Luke started giving advice -really good advice, at that- and I started thinking too much about incorporating what Luke was saying into my own improv. I was thinking so hard that I didn't even end up incorporating any of it. I wasn't some one doing improv, I was some one thinking about doing improv.

The relationship between thinking and my writing is the same. My natural voice in writing was always carefree, bold, and hardly grammar conscious. It was sassy and truthful. I never say things like this about my own work, but, it was good. But most of these works are pre eighth grade. By mid eighth grade I had learned the names and definitions of most of the writing techniques that I had been doing my whole life without realizing. All of a sudden I was no longer writing metaphors, but I was adding metaphors. I was constantly thinking and I couldn't let myself just be. Maybe I'm wrong. Maybe thinking like this is supposed to make you a good writer and it just had some crazy opposite effect on me. All I know is that prior to September 2007 it was never hard for me to get into that mindset where all my writing becomes good.